As I mentioned in a previous post, Vicente Fernandez is a star of epic proportions in Mexico.
If you’ve ever lost a woman to another man, or if someone has ever run over your dog, you may be able to relate to the sorrowful music of Vicente Fernandez.
While North Americans strive for individuality by listening to the same rebellious pop bands that commercials and sitcoms force them to listen to, Mexicans stick together no matter what.
Remember when Selena was killed? Millions of people were distraught in solidarity. People wept in the streets. Jennifer Lopez was catapulted into celebrity by playing her in a movie. Former Texas governor George W. declared April 16th as “Selena Day”. This was 1995.
I saw a Selena sticker on a truck just last week on the 610 loop, in 2009. And remember this:
Selena was from Texas, not Mexico.
Back to Vicente Fernandez.
Now- Jalisco, Mexico is to tacos what Hollywood, California is to celebrities.
Vicente Fernandez was born there.
Without getting into his life story, you’ve got to understand that this guy is Numero Uno in Mexico, and always has been. When he kicks off, you’ll probably see some kind of civil war. He could run for president and easily win- he’s more popular than all of the Mexican Presidents put together. He’s acted in 40 or so movies, and he could kick Elvis’ ass in a knifefight. I promise.
Anyhow, I’d like to share this music video of Vicente Fernandez with you. Although “Cente” (pronounced “Chen-tay”) is normally seen in a sombrero, this amazing video shows the man without a hat in his most vulnerable state, i.e, after he just lost a woman.
Before you click the play button, think “minimalism”. Forget all the fancy video effects. We’re talking about a man, drinking in a bar, and there is a horse in the bar.
Again, there is a horse in the bar. There is no dancing.
This is perhaps the manliest music video of all time.
Every once in a while in Texas, someone comes across an odd looking dog, shoots it, calls it a Chupacabra and gets famous for a few days. The most recent story comes from Blanco, Texas, and was posted on the front page of CNN.
I’m no taxonomist, but when I saw the picture, I knew exactly what it was. A Mexican Hairless, also known as a Xoloitzcuintli. A fitting name, because if you were to look at this disgusting hellion of a creature, that’s exactly what you’d name it. A friggin’ Xoloitzcuintli.
Why don't they feature caricatures of me in Disney Movies? Why?
These things have been running stray in Mexico since Aztecs were chopping off human heads in record numbers to satisfy the Sun God. That being said, it’s not too far off to call these things chupacabras, because if I saw one of these things sucking the life out of one of my goats, I think I’d just chalk it up as a supernatural creature, and blow up my goat with a guided missile of some sort.
I saw one at a horse ranch in Cozumel a few years ago. Some of the other tourists fed it their leftover tacos to my dismay, and one of them ACTUALLY LET THAT THING LICK HER FACE. I would pay good money for video footage of that, because I still don’t believe it myself.
If you reviewed that linked article I mentioned earlier, you can see LA folks dogging on us Texans for being dumb enough to believe in chupacabras in the comments section.
Which is fine with me, because they’re dumb enough to live in California where you can’t buy any guns to defend yourself against chupacabras, genius.
Anyhow, I thought I’d set up a little hoax of my own.
Blanco, TX is pretty close to San Antonio, so I went to Craigslist.com in San Antonio and posted a missing Mexican Hairless dog in Blanco just to see what became of it. I used this picture of a slightly more respectable-looking Xoloitzcuintli:
Yes, people own these as pets. People with allergies.
The first 2 responses were some kind of automated posts from “dog finders”, which are people that apparently have some kind of job finding lost dogs. Doesn’t sound very profitable. One of them was funny, but way too long to post. Here are some of the others:
“Hi I saw your ad on craiglist. Thier is a taxidermist in blanco that says he has chapurada. But it really looks like your dog. the story is ksat channel 12. Im not sure but maybe you should check it out. Hope this helps” – Casey & Penelope
What is chapurada, some kind of skin disorder?
“I know you might think I’m kidding, but a couple of days ago it was all over the news that the chupacabras was found dead in blanco, tx. The sad part is that the animal they showed looks just like your dog. Look it up on CNN.com I wish I was joking, but I’m really serious. http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/laf/1356613673.html
Dave
Did you catch that? He sent me a link to my own post. Thanks Dave!
Werid is the right word in this context, Simone. Thank you.
This person preferred to give me the horrible news over the phone:
if you have not located your dog please call me. Gloria 555-555-5555 The information may not be helpful but I do pray for your peace of mind. God bless
This one wasn’t entirely convinced, but still had the good nature to coldly inform me of my pet’s early demise at the hands of a taxidermy student:
is this a hoax?
anyhow there was a yahoo report yesterday about a chupacabra found in blanco, tx. pretty much looked just like that dog u posted a pic of. is dead and located at a taxidermy in blanco. do a yahoo search.
I hope these posts bring you as much guilty entertainment as they did for me. I’ll leave you with a photo of a taco truck with a chupacabra on it. Check back for updates on this post as more responses become available.
This is probably the coolest picture that has ever been taken in history.
I don’t always eat cheese, but when I do, I prefer Cacique.
If you’re familiar with barbacoa, you probably know that it’s really hit or miss. Barbacoa is one of the fattiest taco meats you can find, and when done right, it’s magnificent. When done wrong, it’s really awful.
A lot of folks consider barbacoa as breakfast taco fare. I’m not into breakfast tacos, but nothing in the world beats the tender, fatty texture and taste of this stuff when made correctly.
This delectable “head meat” comes right off of a bovine skull. If you’d like to see how it’s done, watch this video by Robb Walsh; an author, food critic, and Tex-Mex connoisseur who cooks this stuff in his back yard like a true caballero. In fact, if you look up “Tex-Mex” in the dictionary (Wikipedia) you’ll see him.
So, this Houston website 29-95.com had a little shindig at The Cellar Bar. 5o cent Lone Stars, they say. Starts at 7.
Well, I’m not one of those cats that goes all the way home, showers, and changes into street clothes. I’ll just show up and do my thing. Sometimes I’m glad I’m not a butcher.
So I showed up at about 5:15 with R.T. Martinez right behind me. I pulled into the parking lot, and saw something odd. All of these scantily-clad women started walking into the place.
“Over here, dumbass!”, Martinez yells. Turns out that the bar I’m going to shares a parking lot with The Diamond Club, a gentleman’s establishment. Since there were no cars in the parking lot, and I didn’t have enough meth or prescription medications on hand for a budget-minded evening at a tiddy bar, I chose to back up my car into an empty parking spot in the then-empty Cellar Bar parking lot.
The Cellar Bar wasn’t open yet, so we went across the street to The Velvet Melvin to kick back one or two before the Cellar Bar opened.
There was some kind of fashion shoot going on when I got back to the Cellar Bar. I’m not sure why they chose this particular establishment. I’m guessing it had something to do with the mirrored wall. Maybe they were going for some sort of Debbie Harry/Enter The Dragon thing. I walked in between the photographer and his subject on accident, and he was very polite about it.
I offered to strip down to my Homer Simpson underwear to help out, and he politely refused. He offered me his card, and I politely refused.
I hung out with the 29-95 crew for a while. What a great bunch of people! I drank 50 cent beers, made some new friends, and had a fantastic time.
The National Beer of Texas.
Then it was time to go. Everyone I had met that evening was on the back patio I had backed up to before. The difference was, now the parking lot was full of cars, and there was no way to get my giant boat of a car out of there without some serious engineering skills, or some kind of crane/hoist contraption.
I went to the patio and asked Joe Mathlete for a hand. He was happy to oblige, under the condition that I would agree to accompany The Mathletes on the hurdy-gurdy at their next show.
Joe Mathlete’s expertise, expounded by a team of engineering gurus on the Cellar Bar patio, assisted with an inch-by-inch extraction of my boat-car from the premises.
70,000 evacuated from Bryan, TX, and I was lost in North Houston, trying to find the elusive “Rose Garden” so I can get my Scary Bars category started. Ended up a long way from my destination, on Irvington Street. And I saw something beautiful.
A long street lined with taquerias and taco trucks. A world unknown. A Holy Mecca of tacos. A place for me. Miklos Rozsa’s soundtrack from “El Cid” played out loud in the air.
So of course, I set out for the crappiest looking taco truck I can find. Because I know tacos, and this is what I do.
I found Tacos Lugy’s. That’s right, “Lugy’s.” Then I found Rose Garden, and then I went to the C&F Drive Inn, where I learned about more tacos around town.
I flipped through this one, which seems to glorify the cartels of Mexico. The funny thing is, the comics themselves don’t have an abundance of scantily-clad women. They just put them all over the cover. Many of these comics are black and white on the inside.
